Why did the pilot disregard the slogan “Don’t be silly, wrap your willy”? Because he believed in the protection of his flight suit! A husband tells his wife, “I bet you can’t say something that’ll make me happy and sad at the same time”. She thinks for a bit and says “your pen*s is bigger than your brother’s”. If I was addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand? I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

I bought a box of condoms earlier today. The cashier asked if I’d like a bag. I said “no, I’ll just turn the lights off.” What did the chef say to his knife? “Don’t be silly, wrap your blade, Willy! We don’t want any accidental cuts!”

‘Stand on stage and see if they laugh’

I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”

A man comes out of the shower and says to his wife, “It’s too hot to wear clothes today”. He continued, Honey, what would the neighbors think if I came out to mow the lawn like this?” Why did the fisherman disregard the slogan “Don’t be silly, wrap your willy”? Because he believed in the thrill of the catch! The pope retorts, “Chocolates? What are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything?” Bob Monkhouse–“I want to die like my father, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified, like his passengers.” Why did the engineer disregard the slogan “Don’t be silly, wrap your willy”? Because he believed in the strength of his blueprints!I’m very old now and I’ve got a body like a dropped lasagne. Women now look at my naked body in the same fearful way that pensioners look at snow.” – Frankie Boyle (Photo: BBC)