That feeling of walking on eggshells puts you in full fight-or-flight mode. The stress and anxiety fries your nerves and hurts both you and your relationship. The two strains of BPD are "acting in" (self-harming), which is much easier to recognize and treat, and "acting out" (harming others), which is tougher. The book confirmed a lot of what I've learned recently about the acting out / higher functioning BPD strain. Describe: Describe the situtation without exaggerating. Be as Specific, Objective & Non-Judgemental about it.

Don’t make threats in an angry or controlling way (“If you do this again I’m leaving you!”). This may come across as punishing. Even if you choose to set this limit, it should come across as something you are doing for yourself, not something against the other person. For example, during times when you’re both calm, you could explain which actions you cannot tolerate and which of these will force you to leave the relationship.

After so long together, you’re pretty finely attuned to their ups and downs. You can read the subtle (or not so subtle) signs: the look in their eyes… the tone of their voice… the ever-so-slight tension in their body. Emotional abuse, even as mild as walking on eggshells, can make you fearful of your partner and their reaction, making you susceptible to anxiety, depression, and even loneliness. The unhealthy attachment– you keep getting drawn into a double-bind. “When things are good–they’re really good. When things are bad–they’re really bad. I’m tolerating the real bad for the real good.” You can take steps to protect children from abusive situations (e.g., taking the kids out when the BP is raging, reporting child abuse, and seeking sole custody).

Of course, if you are in a relationship or have a friend, family member or work with someone with BPD this book may be even more valuable to you.

Guilt: When your normal activities trigger the BP, the person plays the “Tag, You’re It” game discussed in chapter 3 and shifts responsibility for her upset feelings onto you. The BP may accuse you not only of devious behavior but of acting in this way to deliberately hurt her. Instead of questioning her assumptions,you may respond by feeling guilty Stop Walking on Eggshells is the quintessential book for families to understand BPD. The cases and examples are compassionate, accurate, enlightening, and starkly realistic—providing a true sense of how people with BPD think and feel, as well as how family members experience their behaviors. It includes comprehensive strategies, techniques, and responses for the most difficult situations, and provides the newest information about causes and help for BPD.” Misunderstanding is common in every relationship, but how can you clear the issue if you can’t even justify yourself or the situation?

And if it’s difficult for you to accept your shitty feels, it’s a stretch to believe that your partner accepts them. Assertiveness is the ability to express your thoughts and feelings in a clear and confident manner, while also respecting the thoughts and feelings of others. Practicing assertiveness can help you break the cycle of walking on eggshells, as it allows you to express yourself in a more authentic way. Seek professional help if necessary The conversations that move your relationship forward, grow you as individuals and deepen your connection. If the BP threatens harm to themselves (or others), notify the person’s therapist (if they have one) at the earliest possible time. You, the BP, and the therapist may all want to meet to discuss how you will handle self-harm in the future. If this is not possible, seek professional help on your own to discuss how to handle the situation. If you believe that the BP may be a danger to himself or herself or others, the BP may need to be evaluated for hospitalization.Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Reinforce: Reinforce the benefits of your limits, if appropriate. Explain the positive effects of getting what you need. Don’t threaten your loved one in an attempt to control their behavior. For example, you can say, “When we In a healthy relationship , both partners talk about everything and consult each other before making any decisions. If you feel that you can’t even voice out your opinions and thoughts, then this means that you are walking on eggshells in your relationship. 10. Hard to please Walking on eggshells became an annoying occurance in our relationship, so we created a set of Agreements for that too. When I read that she equated the feelings of a BP with a third degree burn victim - every single little touch causes a big reaction, often a painful one, it explained quite a lot to me.

Boundary setting. I think where this book excelled was in how it explains that boundary setting isn't easy, but it makes things easier in the long run because they're about love for yourself, not anger or hate for the person who is pushing at them. There were a lot of great mental exercises and leading questions to help find where a real boundary existed, where something could be relaxed, and how to forgive yourself when you didn't succeed. You may start feeling that you are solely accountable for their happiness, well-being, and emotional state. Walking on eggshells means that you’re constantly monitoring your behavior and words around someone else, trying to avoid upsetting them. You may feel like you’re always on edge, waiting for the other person to react negatively to something you’ve said or done. Stepping on eggshells or walking on eggshells is the best description for anyone who is around a person who has erratic, explosive, and unpredictable behavior. You can find alternative places for a child to stay (e.g., a group home, with a distant relative, etc.).It isn’t always obvious that exchanges with your significant other tend to leave you scared to approach them. However, if you’re often hesitant to respond or excessively mindful of your actions around your partner, this could mean that you tend to walk on eggshells around them. make them feel bad about themselves (shame, guilt, disregarded, rejected, unattractive, incompetent, inadequate) Because having an effective strategy doesn’t just ditch the drama, it deepens emotional intimacy and creates more connection between you.